she was so not down for the gang bang
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
