I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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