But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
