Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
