I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
