She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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