why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
