You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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