Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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