Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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