I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
