tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
