Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
