So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
