well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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