The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
