capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
