brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
