p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
