I'm so fucking centered right now
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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