I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
