i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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