Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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