that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
