i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
