Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
