There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
