God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
