Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
