I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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