I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
