I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
