He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
