her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
