I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
