we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
