I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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