At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dear god my vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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