never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
