so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
