OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think my moral compass just broke
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
