so explain again why im purple
no
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
