I'm drive I can fine osifer
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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