I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
