he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
