I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
