i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
