im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
