I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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