I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
