i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
