Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize