It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
