woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
