i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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