So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
