shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
