The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
