his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
