honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
