RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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