I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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