can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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