I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
