I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
