you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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