He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
