It's Friday. Sex?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
