we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
