his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
