the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
