We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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