Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Found the puke drawer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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