I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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