We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
