At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
